I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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