I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I lost the right to judge tonight
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
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