Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
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You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
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i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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