so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
