i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
