Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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