If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I will be naked everywhere
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
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