I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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