So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
