The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
