I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
