Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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