dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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