Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
