I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
