so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
