Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
