Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
