My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
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