I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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