epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
