Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
