i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I am midnight drunk by noon
you win again, gameday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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