Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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