walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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