I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
