my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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