Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
