never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
