Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
organizing the empties. That sober.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
