Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
