i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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