ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
