Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
