it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
