Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Randomize
