I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
We need a shit load of segways right now
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I just wanna be euthanized