Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
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Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
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Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point