3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
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My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.