Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
