you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
