people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
