why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
