Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
