you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
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