Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
