so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
