barbara walters just said penis...
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
