Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
