nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
