No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
