shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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