Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
