he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
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