I cockslap morals
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
