Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
