i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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