Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
