There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
