So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Randomize
