I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
