I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Just puked most of my soul out..
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