Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
