you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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