i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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