So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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