I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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