I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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