I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
