My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
