I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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