dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize