Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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