Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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