Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
