im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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