remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize