It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I think my moral compass just broke
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