tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
