What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
