checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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