I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
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