How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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