I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
