Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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