I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
