That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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